Why do so many Women refuse to call themselves Feminists?

 

While researching for this article, I learned that less than 1 out of 5 women like to call themselves ‘feminists' in the USA. I have often seen my closest friends and acquaintances shy away from calling themselves a feminist. When I ask them if they support the equality of men and women, they reply in the affirmative but they do not want to be labeled as feminists.

The Cambridge dictionary meaning of ‘feminism’ is the belief that women should be allowed the same rights, power, and opportunities as men and be treated in the same way.

Then why do so many women refuse to call themselves feminists? The nagging question in my mind made me find out all the probable reasons why most women support equality and yet stay away from the term ‘feminism’. Let’s take a look at all the reasons:

1.     Wrong or Inadequate knowledge

 

Some women believe that feminism is all about hating men. Wrong or inadequate knowledge is one of the reasons women refuse to call themselves feminists. They think that feminism is only restricted to women which is not the case. Feminism is not against men. It is against inequality and against patriarchy. Every woman should read about the movement called ‘feminism’ and educate herself before taking a decision.

 

2.     ‘Feminism’ is confused with ‘Feminazi’

 

Feminism is about the equality of men and women. Feminazi is about the superiority of women. A feminazi can be violent towards men. They blame men for everything and also blame women who disagree with their ideals. Feminism has nothing to do with Feminazi. Often women get confused and think ‘feminazi’ to be ‘feminism’ and therefore, they do not want to call themselves feminists.

 

3.     Internalizing patriarchy

 

Some women have internalized patriarchy so deeply that the concept of equality of men and women seems ridiculous to them. Simone de Beauvoir in her book ‘TheSecond Sex’ explained it beautifully why sometimes women trade freedom for security and are comfortable being the second sex.

 

4.     Competitiveness among women

 

The first rule of feminism is women should help and empower other women. Simone de Beauvoir has talked about the importance of gender loyalty in order to dismantle patriarchy. Some women simply cannot tolerate the success of other women. There is so much jealousy and competitiveness. They would rather celebrate the success of a man than someone who belongs to the same gender. 

 

5.     Feminist is often confused with ‘careerist’

 

Many women feel that in order to be feminists, they have to be career women. They think that stay-at-home mothers and homemakers cannot be feminists. This is not true at all. Feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights. Anyone supporting that belief is a feminist. It is not limited to working women.

 

6.     Stereotypes associated with ‘Feminist’

 

Sadly, feminists are labeled with a lot of stereotypes by the patriarchal society. Feminists are often thought of as spinsters, men-hating women, lesbians, women lacking femininity, women not wearing makeup and shaving legs and so much more. These stereotypes often repel many women from calling themselves, feminists.

So, these are the reasons why so many women refuse to call themselves feminists. I hope awareness of these reasons helps women change their minds and make them embrace the term ‘feminist’ without any shame or guilt. 

"This post is part of Blogchatter's CauseAChatter"

6 Quotes and Takeaways from The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

 

'The Second Sex' by Simone de Beauvoir was published in 1949 after the second world war ended. It was the starting point of second-wave feminism.

The essay explores the way in which women have been treated throughout history and how gender conditioning governs the life of a woman. 

I recently studied this essay and felt that the points discussed in the essay are so much relevant even today.

Here are 6 quotes and takeaways from the revolutionary essay "The Second Sex":

1. “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.”

Simone de Beauvoir states that women are not born 'feminine' but are shaped that way by a thousand external processes. At each stage of her upbringing, a girl is conditioned into being docile, soft-spoken, dependent, and passive. Society tries to flatten the girl into an object so that she can accept the life of housework and childbearing without ever protesting. The girl will think that to be her very duty, the reason she is born.

2. ..her wings are cut and then she is blamed for not knowing how to fly.”

Simone de Beauvoir says that the situation of a woman is not a result of her character. If we find a woman who rarely has any material accomplishments, is labeled as lazy, mediocre, and complacent, it simply means that these are the consequences of the way she has been brainwashed by society. Her wings were cut during her growing up years and now she is criticized for not knowing how to fly. 

3. “Women's mutual understanding comes from the fact that they identify themselves with each other, but for the same reason each is against the others.”

Simone de Beauvoir beautifully said that women need to develop gender loyalty in order to dismantle patriarchy. One of the reasons why women's movements lose power is because women do not have great gender loyalties. The biggest proof is how society pits the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law against each other. Women need to recognize these patterns and develop gender loyalty because united we stand, divided we fall.

4. “That the child is the supreme aim of woman is a statement having precisely the value of an advertising slogan.”

Simone de Beauvoir stated that throughout history, maternity has been both worshipped and criticized - the mother both brings life and brings death. The woman is transformed into a symbol of 'life' and in that process, she is robbed of all individuality. It is expected that women are born to give birth, raise children and forget their own individuality to become great mothers. 

5. “And without a doubt it is more comfortable to endure blind bondage than to work for one's liberation; the dead, too, are better suited to the earth than the living.”

Simone de Beauvoir stated that at times, women support their own dependency and accept their second-class status without challenging it. Years of gender conditioning play a major role in it. Some women trade their freedom for security. Some women chose comfort over conquering. Only in work can a woman achieve autonomy and can support herself. But years of gender conditioning pushes many women to accept a life of bondage than fight for liberation. 

6. “Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition: the clean becomes soiled, the soiled is made clean, over and over, day after day.”

Simone de Beauvoir said that the difficulty of sacrificing security and comfort for some 'notion' of equality persuades many women to accept the unfulfilling roles in life. And she has beautifully described those roles by comparing them to the myth of Sisyphus. 

"The Second Sex" is a magnificent work in feminism that helps us understand how women have been treated in society for centuries, how women are conditioned, why women make different choices, and how not having great gender loyalty has prevented women from dismantling the patriarchy. 

"This post is part of Blogchatter's CauseAChatter"

Menstruation (Microtale)

No Honking : Let Art Show You The Way!

"Any form of art is a form of power; it has impact, it can affect change. It can not only move us, it makes us move." ~ Ossie Davis

Honking is one of the biggest causes of noise pollution. Once we hit the streets, all we can hear is the incessant honking of vehicles around us. It is not only annoying, but also very harmful for the health. The mind gets perturbed and anxiety increases. Moreover, it causes frequent headaches.

And it is not that the people horn only when it is needed. Honking has become a habit. Since I suffer from migraine, I remember having so many headaches when I am outside for a long time. The honking seems unbearable, especially during festivals such as Durga Puja.

Last weekend, I went with my friend to Acropolis Mall, Kolkata and I was pleasantly surprised to see that an exhibition on "No Honking" is taking place there.

All the paintings were done with the honest approach of making people realize how honking is affecting our lives badly. The paintings exuded honesty, intensity and brilliance. The message of each and every painting is profound, that can make a person think deeply.

Let's take a look at some of the paintings of the exhibition. 

This painting titled "Slavery" by artist Amaranth Sharma tries us to show us that our minds have become slaves of compulsive honking. We do not even realize when we honk. 

This painting "Sound of Life" by artist Nimisha Rao shows 2 comparatives: waves of horrible sound and tunes of music. The artist says that let music be our sound of life and not honking. 

The painting titled "Bau Honk Koro" by artist Prantik Chattopadhyay tells that gone are the days when we used to wake up with the chirping of birds. These days, we wake up with loud horns of school buses and vans. 

The painting "Talking to Buddha" by artist Rahul Mukherjee shows that there is so much honking these days that even Buddha would have needed ear plugs if he was here. 

This painting is known as "Ornamental Life" and is created by artist Sheetal Kaluskar. The artist says that it is not cool to flaunt who can honk more. There are far better things to flaunt.

This painting really moved me. The painting titled "Thinker" by artist Debasish Dutta questions "How will the thinker think if he is surrounded by continuous honking?"

This thought provoking painting titled "UnLove" by artist Thakere Naik says that human beings have fallen so much in love with horns that they have forgotten a beautiful world outside. This painting shows the strange love between humans and horns.

"Invite Positive" by artist Poorva Nimkar shows that in order to invite positive, we must say No to unnecessary Honking. 

"Pain" by artist Ananya Dalal shows the painful effects of honking. I could totally relate to the painting.

I am standing beside the painting called "Sound of Silence" by artist Debraj Goswami where the artist hopes for a day when we silence the sound of honking.

I had a great time watching the beautiful paintings and deciphering the message that the artists have tried to convey. However, I couldn't capture all of them due to the crowd. 

It was truly a great initiative to spread the message of "No Honking" through such brilliant paintings. 

Which painting did you like the most? Do you believe that spreading the message through art can bring some change?

The "Hamare Bus Ki Baat Hai" Programme

On Saturday, 23^rd July, 2016, I attended the “Hamare Bus Ki Baat Hai” programme, an initiative by Tata Motors at G.D Birla Centre for Education in Kolkata. The motto of the programme is to ensure that school children travel safely by bus to school and back to home.

Since it is such a noble initiative, I couldn’t stop myself from attending the programme. The sessions of the programme were very interactive and engaging. At first, a presentation was shown to the bus staff about how they should make sure that the school children are safe and comfortable in their bus. Through the interesting and simple presentation, the bus staff learnt how they should understand the needs of children and talk to them in a win-win approach.

The programme comprised of an interesting movie presentation, simple discussions and fun games, through which the bus staff were taught how to ensure safe travel of school children.

Movie presentation

The 5 things that were mainly highlighted in the “Hamare Bus ki Baat Hai” programme are as follows:

1.  The first thing that was talked about in the session was that the bus staff should be extremely responsible towards the school children.

2 . The second thing that was highlighted in the session was that the bus staff, including the bus driver must know the names of all the school children. This will allow the bus staff to communicate with the school children easily. 

Question/Answer session

3 . The importance of etiquette, manners and grooming was explained to the bus staff.

4. The next thing that was highlighted in the programme was how to handle emergencies and accidents. The bus drivers were told to check the condition of the bus before starting the bus. It was also told to the bus staff to carry a list of emergency phone numbers so that they can call for help, in case an emergency arises.

5. Finally, difficulties faced by the bus staff in handling school children were discussed in details. Solutions were given to each and every problem that the bus staff have to face.

Fun games

Kudos to Tata Motors for this wonderful initiative! They have already conducted close to 800 sessions in schools all over India. Safe travel of school children is extremely important. We get to hear about road accidents so frequently and therefore, I feel that this program of enlightening the bus staff about the safe travel of children is the need of the hour.

Moreover, this program will also help the bus staff to interact with the children and their parents easily. When the parents will see that the bus staff is very friendly and responsible, they can be assured that their kids are taken care of, properly by the bus staff.

The children will also be able to travel to school and back to home safely. They will not have any problem in the bus because the bus staff will communicate with them properly. 

What I really liked about the “Hamare Bus Ki Baat Hai” programme was that, through fun sessions, so many things were explained and taught to the bus staff. I am sure that the programme was successful in enhancing the safety skills and communication skills of the school bus staff that day. I could really connect to the exercise and I feel that such sessions can create a very positive change in metropolitan cities where accidents are so frequent.

I am sure everyone will agree with me that the safe travel of children is very essential. As responsible guardians and citizens, we must support this initiative. Follow their Facebook page to know more about their sessions!

You can also visit the site of Hamare Bus Ki Baat Hai, where you can take the pledge for children’s safe travel. This is the first thing I did after attending the program.  

I've pledged for safe travel of school children. Have you done your bit too? Pledge now: http://www.hbkbh.com/safe-travel-pledge.aspx

Suicide is never a solution: The Story of a Suicide

Life, a wonderful enigma for some

A constant struggle for some others

A labyrinth that can suffocate,

Rob away all your dreams

Only if you let it happen…

Rekindle your heart with hope

Believe in miracles again

You say, it’s too hard

Well, witness a dawn

After a thunderous black night

Miracles happen every day!

Someone very dear to me had committed suicide a year back and I am still trying to cope up with the loss. I know the insufferable anguish, the stinging torture and the acerbic memories that she might have faced before opting for suicide.

After some time, a person who is suffering a lot cannot take it anymore and decides that only death can bring him or her ultimate peace. But no…the soul cannot rest in peace when it is mercilessly separated by the body through suicide. Suicide is never a solution. The only solution is fighting with the problem with courage and fueling the heart with hope.

Recently, I read a book “The Story of a Suicide” written by Sriram Ayer online. The entire book is available on the website http://www.storyofasuicide.com/ . At first, I was skeptical if I can read an entire book online as I have never read a book online. Either I opt for paperbacks or I read in my Kindle device. 

However, I did not have any problem in reading the book online. It was a fast and easy read. The website is designed in such a way that you can easily move from one chapter to another. The chapters of the book are accompanied by beautiful illustrations by Ghana that makes the reading experience amazing. The audio book is also available on the website.

The story

It tells the story of four characters: Hari, Sam, Charu and Mani, whose lives are entangled in a web of love, revenge and deceit. The story begins with a suicide note that really disturbs you. It is not revealed to the readers who wrote the note. You need to read the entire book to find it out.

“I am sad. I am tired. Helpless. Disillusioned. Paranoid. Unhappy.”

“Perhaps I am destined to be unhappy and unloved.”

These are a few lines of the suicide note. It was heart wrenching to read the note which clearly portrayed the feelings of a person who gave up on life. I was keen to know what the story of this suicide is all about and so I kept reading the book.

The four main characters

The readers are introduced to the four pivotal characters of the book one by one. At first, Hari is introduced whom we see attending a national seminar on the rights of sexual minorities. His father is preparing a special dish for him at home as he will be going to KIT, Madras for his studies. Hari comes across as a docile, confused and shy person. As the story unfolds, we learn that Hari was a victim of child sexual abuse. 

Next, we are introduced to Sam, a self-proclaimed tech geek who is also preparing to leave for KIT, Madras. We see him taking his girlfriend, Priya to a comedy show. Sam is constantly on twitter and Priya seems disinterested in the comedy show. After a while, Priya breaks up with him and leave. Sam is hurt at the sudden breakup, but also angry on Priya. He writes an insulting letter to Priya in his blog. Sam comes across as a self-absorbed, assertive person with a huge ego that can be wounded easily.

When Sam reaches KIT, he gets to know that a guy has tried to commit suicide. A girl is trying desperately to save him. Sam helps the girl and save the unfortunate boy’s life by taking him to the hospital on time. We get to know that the guy who tried committing suicide is Mani and the girl who was trying to save him was Charu, Mani’s best friend.

We learn that Mani committed suicide because he was unable to cope up with English as he has studied all his school in his mother tongue. Mani comes across as a sensible and quiet person who has seen a lot of pain in life. As the story unfolds, we get to learn about the suffering that he had faced all his life because of poverty and an evil father. Later, he befriends Hari, who helps him in English.

Charu on the other hand, is a very confident, cheerful and strong girl. She is so beautiful that Sam gets attracted to her immediately. However, as the story unfolds, she comes across as a very complicated girl with frequent mood swings. We can also see her fighting some inner battles due to a broken childhood. She sees weird dreams that disturb her. She is brave and a hardcore feminist. She is also vulnerable and longs for someone who will love her, without trying to control her. 

What I liked in the story

Without giving away any spoilers, I would say that “The Story of a Suicide” is a book that must be read by every youngster. The story shows the demons and painful memories that we all have to face in our lives. No one’s life is devoid of problems, but how you handle your problems make you a winner.

The book talks about serious subjects such as child sexual abuse, homosexuality, suicide, exam pressure, complicated relationships, cyber crime, etc. In this book, all the four characters are dealing with a problem that seems to overwhelm them at times. We can see Sam walking towards the abyss because his ego is so wounded. He knows not how he is destroying his life, in the garb of revenge.

We can see Charu totally lost and scared when she becomes the victim of cyber bullying. Hari and Mani’s lives turn topsy-turvy when they fall into the trap that was laid for someone else.

The book shows how problems can scare and wound us from time to time, but it is totally up to us whether we want to fight or want to quit. It also highlights the casual and carefree way that youngsters live their lives, which lands them in serious problems. It shows how we should not misuse Facebook to show our anger on someone and how it can bring us trouble.

Depression is lack of expression

Depression leads to suicide, in most cases. A person who commits suicide is often depressed for a long period of time. It is when the depression reaches to a very high state that the person feels suicidal. In the book “The Story of a suicide”, we see two suicide cases; the root cause of both of them is depression since a long time.

Depression is nothing but lack of expression. When a person is hurt, lonely or afraid, he needs to express that feeling either by confiding in a close person or through creativity. If a person suppresses feelings of hurt, anger, loneliness, fear and resentment for months and years, it will take the shape of depression which is a serious malady.

We can see how Hari, one of the characters of the book suppresses all his feelings of hurt, loneliness and resentment from childhood. We see the same thing with Mani.

Problems will always be there in life. Heartbreaks and tragedies will occur from time to time. The only way to cope with it is through expressing our feelings, not by suppressing them.

 My advice to all those people who are dealing with a painful phase in life right now is that please express your feelings somehow. Talk to your parent. Cry in front of them. Confide in a sister or a close friend.

If you feel no one will understand your anguish and problems, take refuge in creativity. Write what you feel. Paint and draw. Just try to take those feelings of hurt and resentment out of your system.

After every storm, there is a sunshine waiting for you. And if you manage to survive the storm, you will be a much better, stronger and wiser person. Don’t give up on life. Everything is temporary. Everything passes away. Suicide is never a solution!

Note: All the illustrations are sourced from the website of The Story of a Suicide

Make a difference in an innocent child's life!

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

What makes us human is our compassionate and giving nature. We feel sad when we see someone in pain. We want to help when we see someone in need. We feel happy when we can make someone smile. We feel melancholic when we listen to tragic news on television. These emotions are the essence of our lives. Without these emotions, we would be labelled as robots. 

Whenever I see a child begging in the street or selling balloons or crying out of hunger, something pricks my heart so badly. I keep pondering about the intensity of pain that these children are subjected to. I am sure most of us feel the same way. 

Unfortunately, hunger and malnutrition are serious issues that our country is facing. The Akshaya Patra Foundation is like a bright ray of hope for the needy children. The organization is extremely dedicated and is constantly fighting to end child hunger. 

They have the world's largest (NGO run) mid-day meal programme, feeding over 1.4 million school children from 10,845 schools across 10 states in India every single day. I feel really proud and happy about the quality of work that this organization is doing for the underprivileged children.

Recently, the Akshaya Patra Foundation won the 14th Mother Teresa Award in the Best NGO Category, 2014. The wonderful singer and composer, Shankar Mahadevan is the brand ambassador of the organization.

We all know that little drops of water make the mighty ocean. We are like the little drops of water and our contribution in a child's life would result in a better world. When I learnt about this foundation, I wanted to blog about it instantly to spread awareness so that kind and compassionate individuals can support the cause.

If we can contribute in our own simple ways for these innocent children, then the Akshaya Patra Foundation will be powerful enough to eradicate child hunger from our country totally. How beautiful our country will be then, with not a single child starving in the day!

This is a small chance to make a big difference in an innocent child's life. Let's support the Akshaya Patra Foundation in ending child hunger. Let's unleash our kind and compassionate side. Our one act of kindness can paint plenty of smiles on an innocent child's face.

You can make your contribution at https://www.akshayapatra.org/onlinedonations

Your small gesture can enlighten a young mind!

Every child is the future of a nation and the world in large. Every child has the potential to contribute largely to the development and prosperity of a nation if he has been given the right amount of education. 

But unfortunately, it has been found in a survey that in India, out of every 100 children, 19 children do not go to school at all. Even if the children go to school, by the time they reach the secondary level, they are forced to quit school. There are numerous child laborers in our country who are compelled to work at a tender age when they should have been studying and playing. Heart-wrenching…isn’t it?

Literacy is every child’s basic right and only when all the children of our country would get education, this country can prosper. Tata Capital has launched a wonderful initiative known as Journey of Doing Right whose objective is to help India fight the biggest challenges such as food scarcity, child rights, illiteracy and women empowerment. 

To take a step against illiteracy, Ajeet Singh, who believes in the Journey of Doing Right came up with a brilliant and innovative concept. He started a wonderful “boat school” which provides refuge for the underprivileged children who are deprived of basic learning and education. 

Varanasi is known as the cultural hub of India. It is a holy city where plenty of people visit mainly to wash away their sins in the holy river, Ganga. Although the place is chaotic, it has a beautiful old world charm as it is one of the most ancient cities of India. 

However, it pricks the heart when we see innocent children sitting on the banks of the river Ganga involved in several kinds of menial work. Most of these children do not go to school and are deprived of basic education. To help these innocent children, Ajeet Singh, a true Do righter started the Varanasi boat school where the children of Varanasi spend two hours after their regular day. It is definitely a wonderful initiative to provide education to the children.

The boat school provides a stimulating learning environment for the children of Varanasi. However, this beautiful harbor of learning needs some further enhancements and developments in order to provide better facilities for the children. 

The boat school is a haven of learning and enlightenment. If it gets a magical transformation such as repair of the interiors, basic renovation, important facilities such as a computer, a library and stationery, it can create an ideal learning environment for the children of Varanasi. 

If you want to enlighten these young minds, if you want the innocent children to get at least some basic education, then you can contribute to the Varanasi boat school. You can also spread the word across all your social networking sites with #Scholarship. Open your heart, step on board and help these innocent souls! All of them deserve a wonderful learning environment that can help them to grow up as bright Indian citizens who can contribute to the prosperity of the nation. 

India urgently needs some kind-hearted and benevolent Indians. Yes, your small gesture can enlighten a young mind today!  Visit the website http://doright.in/ to know more about the boat school and to make your contribution.

Come, let’s make a difference together.