The book that I have always wanted to write

I was in my sweet slumber

A stranger to myself in this world;

Your fateful golden touch

Awakened me like rare bliss

I discovered myself.

For me, there is no joy greater than writing a novel. A story that I conceive from nowhere in my subconscious mind and see it developing on the white pages give me a sense of thrill and excitement. The characters that become an inseparable part of my life help me to see myself in a new light. I believe each time I write a story and create a character, I rediscover myself in a new way.

I have always wanted to write a novel that has a lot of poetry in it. When I saw this exciting “Get Published with Story Mirror” contest on Indiblogger, I thought about the book that I have always wanted to write, but for some reason or the other couldn’t do it.

The book tells the story of a young, beautiful girl who is a successful television actor, but suffers from depression since her teenage days. A very disturbing childhood along with failed relationships had made her a victim of chronic depression. She tries to cope with it by keeping herself busy at work, but she cannot come out of the clutches of depression no matter how hard she tries. She finds it extremely difficult to love and accept herself the way she is.

Although she has a smiling countenance, she knows how broken she is from within. During one of her shoots at a hill station, she comes across a man who is a brilliant poet. They meet each other at such a juncture when both of them want to give up on their lives. But as they talk to each other, they find comfort. It feels like home. There is an instant connection between the two of them.

The more she spends time with him, the more she realizes how similar their life experiences and nature are. She finds an enormous freedom in the knowledge that she is not alone in the world. There is someone who has gone through equally tormenting things that she has gone through in her own life.

For the first time in her life, she confides to someone all her deepest fears, insecurities and anguish. He teaches her to see life in a new light: to love and accept herself. She slowly starts seeing life in a different way, where she refuses to be the victim of her own story. As she falls in love with her own self, she realizes that somewhere, down the line, she has also fallen in love with the man who has helped her win in her battle against depression.

When she decides to confess her feelings to him, she realizes that he is a poet whose occupation is to weave beautiful words. She realizes he might never be able to return the love that she has for him. The mission of his life is to pacify every hurting soul. He finds salvation in providing peace to other aching hearts through his poetry. It breaks her heart as she realizes she can never get him all of her own, but she is indebted to him for teaching her how to love herself. No one has taught her that in the 25 years of her life.

This novel will also have a lot of poetry along with prose. I remember reading Rabindranath Tagore’s “The Last Poem” which is a beautiful amalgamation of prose and poem. I had always wanted to write a novel like that. If Story Mirror gives me the opportunity, I would put all my heart and soul in writing this book.

You are there,

Sparkling in every verse

That I write;

Sometimes, as a romantic muse

Other times, as a painful memory

You make me a poet

Because you are my poetry.

I only miss you

When I am not writing;

You dwell in the crevices of letters

And in the intricacies of my words

I only miss you

When words fail me

As you are my poetry

I am your moonstruck poet.

 (From “The Heart Listens to No One by Purba Chakraborty)