When I was at the crossroads...

My Dad has always told me that the person who needs to tell a lie to defend themselves have a weak soul. The person with a strong soul never takes the escape of a lie. She never fears to tell the truth because telling the truth keeps the soul strong, pure and beautiful whereas a lie can weaken the soul to a huge extent.

Dad’s teachings have been inscribed so deeply in my mind that I couldn’t even cheat in my exams. I was a horrible cheater. Even if I tried to cheat, I couldn’t copy more than two words. I remember during my MBA exams, my friends made micro Xerox of notes and were cheating from there so smartly. Despite having bad preparation and the fear of getting low marks, I couldn’t do that as I felt doing such an act would make my soul burdensome.

Although telling a lie seems a great temporary solution, it weighs heavily on our conscience. As I talk about truth today, I remember an incident when telling the truth was the right thing to do.

That time, I was in class 12 and I had a best friend who was in class 10. We were neighbors and were very close to each other. She shared with me every little secret of hers and I always guided her and listened to her. Her family was extremely authoritarian and disciplined. She used to feel suffocated by her overly disciplined parents and felt peaceful in my house as my family is very amicable. 

One day, she told me that she has a phone friend who claims to love her very much. He stays in Mumbai. Talking to him ebbs down her anguish and she feels calm. She used my phone to talk to that guy every day after emotionally cajoling me. I explained her many times that she is on the wrong track but she would never listen to me. I warned her that the guy can be a fraud, a kidnapper or a terrorist but she would laugh it out. She used to show me the marks on her hand which were due to the beating she got from her mother, for not following the discipline of her house. I was taken aback and did not know what I should do. I was quite young that time and so distinguishing between right and wrong was quite tricky for me.

One day, she showed me the several gifts that the guy had sent her. She kept all the  gifts in my room as her parents would kill her if they find it out. I was hesitant but kept quiet. Then she told me something that startled me to the core. She said that she was meeting that guy at Howrah Station after two days and that she would run away with him so that she don’t have to bear her parent’s torture anymore. I was unable to talk when she blurted out these inconceivable words. I tried hard to make her understand that what she was doing would ruin her life completely but she was adamant. No amount of persuasion could change her mind. She took promise from me to not tell anyone about her plan. 

Sleep totally eluded me for the next two days. I knew that what she was doing was wrong and I also knew that by supporting her, I was doing an even greater mistake. I couldn’t eat properly and felt debilitated. My father was checking my cell phone that day and he saw a number of Mumbai in my calling list. He asked me immediately that which friend of mine stays in Mumbai. 

It was the moment when I was at the crossroads. On one hand, it was my loyalty to my friend which I wanted to preserve. On the other hand, not telling the truth was paralyzing me emotionally especially because I knew that the consequence of hiding this truth won’t be good. 

My father kept asking me the same question with a stern tone and I was still figuring out which path I should take. 

Should I be a good loyal friend and prevent her secret to come out into the world?

Or

Can I forgive myself if she would be in a great danger tomorrow, just because I am hiding the truth from everyone? Won’t I be responsible somehow for the harmful consequences of her life?

I heaved a long sigh as I finally chose which path to take. I told my father the entire truth. He was shocked and he promised me that he would save my friend from the danger without letting her family scold or torture her. My father called her parents to the nearest cafeteria and told them how their authoritarian nature was compelling their daughter to take such a dangerous step. They understood their mistake and thanked my father. My friend’s mother also called me to say thanks. The next day, I heard that my friend’s family flew to Vizag, where they had some relatives. 

So, yes telling this truth definitely saved my friend from the danger but unfortunately, our friendship weakened with this incident. She might have guessed that it was me who had spoiled her plan but I had no regrets. I saw that her mother used to give her so much time after that incident. She was no more that strict authoritarian lady and she would always tell me “ Purba, you are a wonderful friend. You saved your friend from a grave danger.”

My friend’s family shifted to another place after few years and I am no longer in contact with her. However, I am sure that if I would have lied to my father that day and something dangerous would have happened to my friend, I would have to live my entire life with that burden on my conscience. 

I know that she is doing very well in her life now and that is more than enough for me. Telling the truth saved her life from a possible danger and my soul from a huge burden. 

Truth is the best medicine for a soul. 
Kitna Chain Hota Hai na Sachchai Mein!

Watch this Kinley 2014 TVC which justifies the saying "Kitna Chain Hota Hai na Sachchai Mein. Kinley- Boond Boond Mein Sachchai!

                                                                                                                                                                 
This post is written for Indiblogger for the campaign by Kinley "Kitna Chain Hota Hai Na Sacchai Mein"

A new chapter...a new beginning!

The year 2014 is about to end and it feels that I am at the end of the 24th chapter of my life...Here's a sonnet to new beginnings.

Another chapter of my life is about to end,

The vehement attachment is making me slightly weak;

Although the passion of starting the new chapter is profound.

O sweet dear dilemma, can you leave me for a while?

Let me just briskly brush through the pages for one last time.

A smile of contentment kiss my lips tenderly

Such valuable lessons learnt, such beautiful souls I came across.

My eyes turn clammy as the smile faded non chalantly

Probably for all those people I am leaving back in this chapter.

This chapter, I've been broken and I've been healed again

It is now time to shed the broken parts comprehensively;

And take command of my euphonious soul

To fulfill all my pending dreams slowly but steadily...

Yes! I am perfectly ready for a new chapter...a new beginning! 

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Dear Santa...Thank you so much!

Today on the day of Christmas, when I look back at the last year's Christmas, I am filled with an abundance of gratitude.
Last year at this time, I was trapped in the dark lanes of dilemma. I was unable to figure out what I wanted to do in life. Hit by a couple of setbacks and adversities, I was not finding a place where I could stand safely.
My health was not at all well, my personal life was suffering badly, my academics were also hampered and I was unable to figure out where my career was heading.
It was at that time when I prayed Santa a lot to guide me towards light. I kept telling Santa last year, "Please show me a way. Give me directions to make this life beneficial and constructive. This is what I want from you."
In that tranquil night, I was unaware if my wish was answered.
I only felt a Superior Power whispering to me. It said, "Look within yourself. The light inside will guide you. There is nothing impossible for you to do."

And the moment I learned to relate myself to my soul and hear my inner voice, I could find a land of possibilities. The year 2014 has been every enriching and fulfilling for me. I learned plenty of things, came across many new people some of whom taught me new lessons, some showed me how to live life better, some put me through challenges and adversities but at the end, each one of them had been istrumental.

I got to learn some of the most valuable lessons of life this year:

Unless I dare to lose sight of the shore, I cannot discover new oceans...new possibilities. 

This is something I learned when I was at the crossroads this year. After letting go of all the thoughts about what my relatives will think, I decided to take writing (content writing, editing, creative writing) as my full time profession. I was expected to do a corporate job but I took the call as I wanted to do something that can placate me always. I dared to lose sight of the shore and I could dicover a new 'me' in this process.

Stop taking yourself so seriously. It is okay to make some mistakes.

I have done plenty of mistakes in my life, be it choosing the subject in my graduation, doing MBA etc etc. Mistakes are inevitable. This year, also I made some mistakes due to my naive nature. But, unlike other years when I started cursing myself, I took it easily this time. This is one lesson I learnt this year: to stop taking myself so seriously.

Love yourself. The world will always try to pull you down, it's your self-love that can defend you at those times.

I learned to love myself wholeheartedly this year. I accepted my flaws and limitations. I understood that the  beauty of being a human being is in being imperfect. During times when someone criticized me or tried to pull me down, my self-love defended me from breaking down. Some of the most beautiful people in my life helped me to love myself a little more as they could see my light, when I was incapable in seeing it.

Cleanse your inner vision so that you see nothing but light, your own and those around you.

This is the year when I got inclined towards spirituality so much. Yoga and meditation had helped me a lot to cleanse my inner vision. I also left eating animals (chicken and fish) this year. I always try to focus on the positive. My motto is to never let the smile fade from my face and to make everyone around me smile. I always try to see the light in others and me.

Believe in yourself as much as you want the world to believe you.

This is another thing that I learned this year. Before the release of my 2nd book, "The Hidden Letters" (August, 2014), I was quite anxious and apprehensive as the protagonist of the book was a middle aged woman and I was skeptical if I could do justice to it. I was also scared to read the book when I got it in my hand. But then, I learned that I must believe in myself wholeheartedly so that the world can believe in me.  And when great reviews started pouring in, I understood how essential it is to keep the faith and belief in oneself.

Pour your love into everything you do so that your life will be a work of art.

Yes! Do the thing you love and when you do it, pour all your love in it. It doesn't matter how significant or insignificant your task is, the thing that matters is that you are pouring your heart and soul into it. When I am working on the daily articles or on my next book or even on a blogpost, I keep reminding myself these lines and all I get is bliss.

Never let the pain of your past make you bitter...it should only make you better.

Lastly, I learned to forgive everyone in my past who has hurted me and caused damage to my life. I am thankful to them for giving me some important, hard-hitting lessons in my life. They are the people who made me strong, independent and better. Had they not hurt me, I wouldn't have been what I am today.

Dear Santa, you only told me last year to look within and that I will find light in my soul. I exactly did that and was able to sort all the problems of my life. This year, I don't want to ask anything from you but I would like to tell you a big Thank You for guiding me constantly. I wish to become a better version of myself in 2015.

Thank you Santa, Thank you God, Thank you Universe!

P.S: Merry Christmas everyone :)

<Me and my bestie on last year's Christmas>

Oh dear Mr. Stubble! You don't look cool at all.

It's really amusing how some guys think that keeping few weeks’ old stubble makes them a chick magnet. They feel that they look attractive and mysterious with that stubble. Though I prefer clean-shaved men, men with a few days old stubble are also acceptable. However a full grown beard looks ugly. Not only do guys look rough and arrogant but also it is so unhygienic to go for days without shaving. Guys also look so older and aggressive with a full-grown thick beard.  You can't blame these guys totally as Bollywood has always portrayed actors as extremely hot and attractive with that beard, be it Ranbir Kapoor in “Sadda Haq” song, Ranveer Singh in Ramleela etc. 

This topic reminds me of a funny incident in my college days. Our college had a famous band, in which the lead singer had hair till his nape and I had never seen him clean-shaved even once.  Though he had attractive eyes and an enviable voice, his beard and long hair always made me feel that he is so aggressive. However, there were plenty of girls in our college who were diehard fan of that guy.  One day, he proposed my friend in the college stage at the end of his performance. He asked her to come in the stage to give the answer. Everyone cheered for my friend and the lead singer. My friend was aghast and didn’t know how to react. She was embarrassed beyond limits but still managed to walk to the stage with a calm demeanor. She took the microphone and politely announced that she is committed. The lead singer’s face fell flat at that harsh rejection.

Later I asked my friend, “Why did you lie? You are not committed. And you always seemed to be very fond of that guy. You kept telling me that day how his voice hypnotizes you.”

She smiled at me and said, “Yes, I like him. But, have you seen that thick unhygienic beard of his? It gives me the creeps. Unless he gets rid of his beard, I can’t even give his proposal a thought.”

My friend’s reply literally made me roll into the floor laughing. Later, she had sent him a letter with the subject: “Oh dear Mr. Stubble! You don’t look cool at all.” 

However, the sad part was that the lead singer didn’t get her sarcasm in the letter and so he never got rid of that annoying beard. However, this incident at least provided us with a lot of laughter.

I am sure so many guys must have faced rejections just because of their stubble. Guys must accept this fact that 80% of the girls love clean-shaved men as they look charming and tidy. And the guys who have been blessed with dimples, I don't see any point when they conceal it behind a beard. Can anyone kindly explain?

Dear bloggers:Gaurab Mukherjee, Sachin Prabhu, Kiran Acharya, Ruchita, Shonali Mukherji and Destination Infinity,  if you are free, then spare some minutes for taking the #WillYouShave challenge

This post is a part of #WillYouShave activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette

 

My take on pre-marital sex

I clearly remember a discussion in my college days about whether people indulging in pre-marital sex are right or wrong. Well, there were diverse answers. Some of them I remember are:

“If there is true love between us, then what is wrong with sex?” 

“I won’t dare to do that as my family will kill me if anything goes wrong.”

“Everyone is doing it these days. Not a big deal.”

“Why is premarital sex such a big issue in our country? I don’t get it.”

“A certain limit of intimacy is good but sex should be saved for marriage.”

I am not a stickler and I respect the decisions of the thousands of couples who find live-in relationships better than marriage. However, I feel that sex is the most powerful force given by God to man and it is not something designed for mere pleasure. There is a very interesting story in Greek mythology to support this view.

At the very beginning of creation, men and women were designed as one being. The body had two heads looking at different directions, four legs, four arms and two sets of sex organs. The human being looked as if two creatures have been glued together. The Greek Gods were intimidated with this creation as this creature was extremely powerful. Zeus, the Supreme Lord then decided to make this creature lose some amount of strength. So, with the help of a lightning bolt, he cut the creature in two halves. Thus, men and women were created. This somehow weakened the creature and his or her whole life is spent looking for the other half. Once the search for the lost half completes, he or she regains the highest amount of strength. That embrace in which the two bodies re-fuse to become one again is known as sex. 

This mythological story tells us that sex is such a powerful force which establishes profound companionship with one’s better half. Sex is not an act of mere carnal pleasure. It has been designed by God for some superior reasons. It is created for procreation and for the purpose of experiencing deep love on the physical, emotional and spiritual plane. 

Sex is not just a medium to fulfill pleasures and to have some fun or recreation.  A couple who is deeply in love with each other is bound to get intimate. When you love a person deeply with all your heart, heading towards physical intimacy is natural. But before surrendering your virginity to that person, question yourself if he or she will be with you till the end of time? What if that person is not the one for you and cheats on you after some days? When you would finally find your better half and marry him/her, won’t you feel bad then? Indulging with multiple sexual partners can never provide us with the contentment of deep love and harmony. 

Virginity should be surrendered only to that person who would provide you with a life-time commitment. This commitment can be only obtained from a marriage. Now few people can tell, what is the guarantee that my husband or wife won’t cheat on me? Right, there is no guarantee. But if you compare a relationship with a marriage, you would see that the commitment and contentment obtained from marriage is far more. Till now, I just talked about the religious or spiritual aspect of sex.

Now let us see the other areas where pre-marital sex can impose an adverse effect:

Social and psychological

Many young people, especially in their teenage years indulge in pre-marital sex as they find it to be an adventurous thing. Adolescents are very immature and they cannot deal with it after indulging. Their academic performance falls down; their relationship with their family and friends also starts crumbing. Feelings of arduous guilt and the apprehension of pregnancy dangles in the mind of girls. Everyone loves adventure but that should not provide a person with an abundance of worries.

The consequences of premarital sex can be dangerous and can totally wreck someone’s life. In case there is a contraception failure which is quite common, the girl is left with two choices: abortion or giving birth to an illegitimate child. Both the process can paralyze her psychologically, especially if her partner leaves her hand at that crucial stage. The children of unwed mothers also suffer throughout their lives. It provides loneliness, struggles and endless stress. 

When a relationship breaks, you can easily forget it if you didn’t have sex with your partner. Having sex with a person, with whom you break up as a matter of choice or fate, can haunt you with unpleasant memories, especially when your spouse makes love to you after marriage. So, premarital sex hugely affects a person psychologically.

Health 

Pre-marital sex also implies risking your health. Apart from the life threatening disease AIDS, you also expose yourself to the sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis or herpes.  Herpes is a disfiguring disease that has no cure. So, are few minutes of pleasure really worth of exposing yourself to these perilous diseases? 

Some of the sexually transmitted disease results in loss of fertility. According to statistics, 80% of people are infertile because they contracted a sexually transmitted disease before marriage. Many of these venereal diseases show no symptoms and after many years, the couple finds out the reason behind their infertility.

The contraceptive pills that are designed to prevent pregnancy have plenty of side effects. The most painful of the side effects is breakthrough bleeding which occurs due to changes in hormone levels. Other side effects include weight gain, headaches, nausea, moodiness, depression, acne, blood clots, high blood pressure, gall stones and heart attacks. Taking pills for a long time can also increase the risk of breast or cervical cancer.

Conclusion

True love is definitely not about having sex. If a person loves you, he would give your relationship the beautiful name of marriage or would wait for the right time for marriage without rushing towards sex. A person who would truly love you would never want you to go through any health or social problems. He would never want you to go through psychological complications of pre-marital sex and the constant fear of pregnancy. True love is patient and kind.

I say NO to pre-marital sex.

P.S: These are completely my own views. I respect if you have a different opinion.

Read Poonaam Uppal's True Love - A Mystical True Love Story on Flipkart.

This post is written for an Indiblogger contest

This post won a Runners-Up prize in the "Yes or No to Premarital Sex" contest on Indiblogger