A Letter to my 20 Year Old Self

Dear 20-year-old Purba,

Today, I remembered you the way one remembers a favorite novel read long back or a favorite movie watched long back. I felt like reliving your life and the world around you the way one feels like watching every scene of a favorite movie again.

You simply refused to go away from my mind despite the deadlines beckoning me every fifteen minutes. I remembered the hopeless romantic, the crazy dreamer, the kind soul, the aspiring writer and singer so much in love with life. You inspire me, girl!

When I feel I am becoming a cynic, you teach me to love deeply, be ridiculously kind, and forgive others. When life seems mundane, you teach me to become a hopeless romantic once again. Every goal that I set and achieve, the inspiration has to be the crazy dreamer that you are. 

Today, I long to have a long chat with you because no one can understand me perhaps better than you. Honestly speaking, I feel too tired today with all the bitterness and hatred lurking all around, especially in social media. It is challenging to be positive when you are surrounded by negativity all around. 

Twitter/Facebook were once such fun places to be.  Strangers became close friends and now, friends become strangers and strangers can give you threats if your ideologies/opinions don't match with theirs. It is like walking on eggshells every single minute. 

Today, we are battling a pandemic where our country is registering nearly 1 lakh cases daily but I realize that the venom-like hatred in hearts is such a bigger pandemic than the Corona Virus. It is more contagious and deadly. 

I long to spend some quality time with you today. Together, let's listen to some Bollywood retro songs, ghazals, and 90s pop songs. 

I know you will teach me to see how far I have come and how much I can go ahead. You will remind me that although the outer world is not in our control, our inner world is. I know you will fill my heart with love, light, gratitude, and magic. You will teach me to spread my wings and fly in the sky of love, dropping every ounce of negativity. You will teach me again how to sing amid chaos and dance amid storms. 

Love,

30-year-old Purba

A Letter to Broken Promises

To Broken Promises, 

There was a time when I believed that promises are meant to be kept. I was under the impression that when people promise something, they do it with the kernel of their existence. They mean every word they say with the intention of retaining it. I believed human beings are defined by the promises they make and keep. 

It has been only a few years when I realized that promises are nothing but shallow words, said in order to fool or extract something from you. They are governed by the fickleness of the human mind and they have nothing to do with the human heart. Once the realization dawned on me, I could count the number of broken promises and strangely, feel no resentment towards the people who broke them. 

Something that is governed by the mind, has no chance of permanence. Isn't it? And so, my dear broken promises, I hold no bitterness towards you. You made me comprehend why memories always weigh more than promises. Although this is not a letter to memories, I must tell you that had you not been there, human beings wouldn't have clung to their suitcase of memories like a homeless person who has lost everything in a calamity. 

Being a writer, I deal with words every single day. I play and romance with words when I am putting them on paper. But while talking to a person, I take care not to use words frivolously. I believe if you truly love and care for someone, there won't be the need of making promises vocally. You can do that in your heart and try your best to keep it. 

Dear broken promises, you taught me to use words in all conscience. You taught me to look beyond words and peep into the intentions concealed beneath the words. You helped me understand that some things break, not because they are fragile, but because they are already broken from the first minute, the only difference is that the cracks have been cleverly camouflaged. 

And finally, it's because of you I believe in living in the moment. Just like seasonal changes, human intentions keep changing and with that, the promises they had made once. I would never let you take the life out of me; instead, I would let good memories fill the hole that you puncture in my heart. 

Thank you for making me wiser, stronger and more compassionate!

From, 

A girl who no longer believes in promises

A Letter to Poetry

Dear Poetry, 
     
           If you wouldn't have been there in my life, I would have probably gone insane. Yes, I might have survived even then, but living would surely be difficult. The emotional and deep person that I am, it's hard to find someone who understands me or values my emotions. But I have found you and so, no regrets.

           You are the one who calm my 3 am tears and help me find beauty in chaos. You help me make sense of my overwhelming emotions. You convince me that pain and separation can be romantic too, just like togetherness. You help me look beyond the ordinary. You make me feel life is hard but interesting as there is so much to write about.

            I was reminiscing the day I fell in love with you. I think I was ten. I took part in the elocution competition in school, where I was told to recite "The Hero" by Rabindranath Tagore. It was a long poem and at first, I was annoyed that I had to memorize it. But then slowly, I started enjoying reading the poem. I still remember those opening lines "Mother, let us imagine we are travelling, and passing through a strange and dangerous country". 

        That poem had built my confidence then and inspired me to be brave. Back then, I didn't know that I will have no choice apart from being brave in life. I was not born strong, but life sculpted me to be as strong as a warrior in order to survive. And you have been inspiring me all the way to be brave, kind and never give up on dreams.

         When I tasted pain, one after the other as I grew up, you became my source of solace. It's in your arms I could reconstruct myself. I like the fact that it's always so easy to bare my heart out, by using a metaphor. I could express everything, and yet not reveal anything. And when people read my poems and relate to them, it makes me euphoric. 

            The best thing is you connect me to people I love deeply. No matter whether they are with me in the present moment, I can always reach out to them through you. You help me dwell in the parallel universe, where I am with my soulmate. You help me relive the moments I had spent with my mother and grandmother. You nourish and water the love in my heart, not letting it perish. You capture the hope in my heart, not letting it fly away.

          Whenever I feel overwhelmed with the injustice happening around me, I can always calm my raging thoughts in your embrace. I wonder had I not found you, how would I have been able to control my rage, pain and fear?

          My dear poetry, I will be indebted to you forever. You add so much meaning to the simple, mundane things of life. You make life an enigma and nature a magician. No wonder I fall in your love every time I read some mesmerizing poem or write a poem to soothe my heart. 


         Thank you for giving me the chance to love you wholeheartedly in this lifetime. And I hope, you love me too. 

                                                                                         ~A poet

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