Recently, since few days, I am feeling extremely
depressed. Lack of concentration, feelings of not-being-good enough and
self-doubt have created an invisible layer around me which is stinging me by
and by.
During the morning hours, I feel quite enthusiastic
and energetic. I feel I can conquer my depressing thoughts for the day, but
along with sundown, I tend to lose control on my mood.
Although my basic nature is happy-go-lucky, I judge
myself in every aspect these days. I realize that I am being too hard on myself.
I find myself asking such questions that further enhance my anguish:
How could I be careless enough to miss a
deadline? I think I am really worthless. I end up wasting so much time.
When
will I be able to complete my next manuscript? Why can’t I focus and just
write?
Do
I write really good enough?
Do
any of my close friends really care for me? I think no one has time for me.
Everyone is busy in their lives.
Yesterday, as I was working on an article, a very
close friend of mine, Triyas called me and asked me about how my life is going.
I talked to her normally, but it’s really weird how she could sense that
something is wrong. She insisted on meeting me in the afternoon. I told her that I have a deadline, but she
compelled me to accommodate some time.
I thought that perhaps, there is an urgency and so I decided
to meet her in the afternoon. We watched a movie, when we talked casually about
each other’s life and then after the movie, she told me to go to her house to
meet her mother.
I agreed as I felt calm and peaceful in her company.
As we were walking in the evening towards her house, she asked me directly what
was wrong with me. I tried to behave casually and told her since I slept less
last night, I might be looking haggard.
She gave me a skeptical look and said, “You can
confide in me, Purba. It is evident from your gait, your smile and the way you
are speaking that something is terribly wrong with you. I have always seen you
as this super happy, giggly and optimistic girl. This person is so different
from the Purba I know.”
I finally couldn’t restrain my tears from appearing
in my eyes. I told her about how worthless and despondent I have felt since the
last two weeks. She just held my hand as a sign of assurance and prodded me to
speak my heart out. Within a few minutes, I spoke whatever was there bottled in
my heart.
She did not judge me or passed any comment. She just
told, “We are human beings, Purba. There are times when we feel broken,
dejected and that we cannot take it anymore. It is absolutely alright. Do not
feed yourself with the information that you are a victim of depression. This is
just normal and this phase will pass soon.”
She also said, “You are doing so well in your life,
Purba. You are just like a butterfly that spread smiles and cheers on everyone’s
face. Unleash that butterfly in you again.”
Her words of solace were like the most soothing balm
to my arid heart. It made me believe in myself again and also assured me that
everything is alright. It provided me with the much needed motivation.
Me and Triyas(I took this selfie yesterday before leaving her house) |
Only during such times, we realize that there are
still some beautiful angels who are always there for us in the form of friends.
Read more about optimism here: https://housing.com/
#together
true friends are hard to find :) you've got one :) yeah You are just like a butterfly that spread smiles and cheers on everyone’s face.
ReplyDeletelots of love
your brother
sachin :)
Yeah Sachin. I am really lucky to have some wonderful close friends who always care for me. Keep smiling and stay blessed :)
DeleteAnother straight from your heart post...keep writing and keep smiling :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Gaurab :) You too keep smiling.
Delete