Combat Body Shaming to Protect Your Mental Health

 

All of us have faced body shaming at least at some point in our lives. Body shaming is not just restricted to fat-shaming and thin shaming; it can be any derogatory comment about your body. If someone comments how frizzy your hair looks or the number of grey hair that you have, it is body shaming. If someone comments about your skin colour, teeth, eyes, nose, lips, or any other part of your body in a derogatory way, it is body shaming.

When confronted with body shaming, most of us feel tongue-tied while an avalanche of emotions somersault within us- anger, hurt, resentment, bitterness, sadness. The reason we often fail to reply to our body shamers is that we start doubting ourselves. 

When someone makes us feel miserable about our body, we are often paralyzed by self-doubt. As a result, we fail to stand up for ourselves at that moment. Later, we sulk thinking why we failed to give an apt reply.

There are two major problems of failing to stand up for ourselves when we are subjected to body shaming:

(i)                Our mental health gets compromised.

(ii)             We give the body shamers another chance to hurt us.

If we all speak up, if we stand up for ourselves every time someone passes a derogatory comment about our body and we promise ourselves not to indulge in body shaming, the venomous culture of body shaming would die a natural death.

Here are some tips to combat body-shaming:

1.     Understand that people who body shame others are victims of body shaming

 

First of all, it is important to understand who these body shamers are. They are chronic victims of body shaming and are always uncomfortable with their bodies. As they have such a hateful relationship with their body, they pull others down by body shaming.

 

Realizing this truth can help us forgive those people easily and not take their words to heart.

 

2.     Speak up

 

When someone passes a comment about your body weight or skin colour or hair, speak up. Let the person know it is not alright to comment about your body. Let the person know that you will not tolerate and give space for such a conversation.

 

If it is a friend, give a generous smile and tell him/her that you are happy and you love yourself just the way you are. If your friend wants to drag the discussion, ask whether they are happy with their body. If they are, they should not bother about how you look.

 

If it is an elder who is commenting about your body weight due to concern for you, smile and tell them it is your body type and that you are perfectly healthy. So he/she does not have to worry about you.

 

If it is a stranger who is commenting about your body, tell them to mind their own business.

 

I agree it is not easy to give a reply to the body shamer especially when it is a person who is close to you. But keeping quiet will worsen your mental health and allow that person to criticize you once again. 

3.     Develop a healthy and harmonious relationship with your body

 

If you want to combat body shaming, you have to develop a healthy relationship with your body. The foundation of the relationship needs to be so strong that a derogatory comment about your body cannot shake it.

 

Practice loving affirmations towards your body every day. Stand in front of the mirror and say these affirmations aloud:

 

“I love my body. I send love to each organ, bone, muscle, and part of my body.”

 

“My body is a miracle. I take care of my body by feeding it nutritious food. I enjoy caring for myself.”

 

“My body is perfect for me. I am beautiful and attractive just the way I am.”

 

“I am comfortable in my skin. I accept all of me.”

 

Invest your time and energy in taking good care of yourself. Make your relationship with your body so strong and harmonious that no one’s comment can make you doubt yourself. 

These are three tips to combat body shaming on a regular basis. Our mental health gets badly affected when we quietly tolerate body shaming and drown ourselves in self-doubts. We try a wide range of things to look perfect so that our body shamers speak well about us. But guess what? No matter how we look, our body shamers will always have something wrong to tell if we give them that space.

So, let’s pledge today to

-Stand up for ourselves when someone makes a derogatory statement about our body

-Develop a healthy, loving, and harmonious relationship with our body

-Never indulge in body shaming

We are all in this together!

 

"This post is part of Blogchatter's CauseAChatter"

A Letter to my 20 Year Old Self

Dear 20-year-old Purba,

Today, I remembered you the way one remembers a favorite novel read long back or a favorite movie watched long back. I felt like reliving your life and the world around you the way one feels like watching every scene of a favorite movie again.

You simply refused to go away from my mind despite the deadlines beckoning me every fifteen minutes. I remembered the hopeless romantic, the crazy dreamer, the kind soul, the aspiring writer and singer so much in love with life. You inspire me, girl!

When I feel I am becoming a cynic, you teach me to love deeply, be ridiculously kind, and forgive others. When life seems mundane, you teach me to become a hopeless romantic once again. Every goal that I set and achieve, the inspiration has to be the crazy dreamer that you are. 

Today, I long to have a long chat with you because no one can understand me perhaps better than you. Honestly speaking, I feel too tired today with all the bitterness and hatred lurking all around, especially in social media. It is challenging to be positive when you are surrounded by negativity all around. 

Twitter/Facebook were once such fun places to be.  Strangers became close friends and now, friends become strangers and strangers can give you threats if your ideologies/opinions don't match with theirs. It is like walking on eggshells every single minute. 

Today, we are battling a pandemic where our country is registering nearly 1 lakh cases daily but I realize that the venom-like hatred in hearts is such a bigger pandemic than the Corona Virus. It is more contagious and deadly. 

I long to spend some quality time with you today. Together, let's listen to some Bollywood retro songs, ghazals, and 90s pop songs. 

I know you will teach me to see how far I have come and how much I can go ahead. You will remind me that although the outer world is not in our control, our inner world is. I know you will fill my heart with love, light, gratitude, and magic. You will teach me to spread my wings and fly in the sky of love, dropping every ounce of negativity. You will teach me again how to sing amid chaos and dance amid storms. 

Love,

30-year-old Purba

The 5 most influential teachers of my life

Today is Teacher's Day. In the journey of my life, I have met many wonderful mentors who have taught me something valuable, whether directly or indirectly. Today I am going to talk about the 5 teachers who have been the most instrumental in shaping my life. All of them have inspired me and made me the person I am today. 

My Grandmother

My maternal grandmother taught me to never give up on love and kindness, even if people have been cruel to you. Kindness and love are universal languages that even a deaf person can hear. There have been so many times when I felt the world is such a bad place and I should stop being kind and generous to people. But it is because of her that I follow~

Let love be the lyrics,

 let kindness be the music

Let your heart sing forever.

My Father

Now, my father teaches me something beautiful every single day. He is my role model and someone who inspires me all the time.

But the most important thing that he taught me in life is the value of patience and hard work. 

I was a very impatient girl who always wanted fast results. It is my Dad who taught me that hard work never goes in vain. But wanting immediate results take away the joy of a work well done. He taught me to find joy in working hard and to be patient with the outcome. 

Rina Ma'am

She was my class teacher in Class 9. Having lost my mother a year back, I was cocooned inside my own shell. I was unable to make any friends and was an extreme introvert. I used to cry at the drop of a hat and often felt pity for myself. 

Rina Ma'am was the angel who understood what I was going through at that time. She was very empathetic towards me. She taught me not to ever take sympathy of anyone and to stop feeling like a victim. She said that the world is my oyster and I should conquer it. 

So many things have happened in my life after I left school, but I had never forgotten her words. Till date, I don't take sympathy of anyone and I don't play the victim, even if I am going through the most difficult circumstances. 

Mallika Miss

Mallika Miss was my teacher from Class 4 to Class 7. I used to take English tuitions from her. She also taught English at our school. She was the person who instated my love for English Literature. It's because of her my favorite subject has always been English. Therefore, I am forever grateful to her. It's my dream to meet her some day and gift her all my novels.

When I was in Class 7, I was not good at sports. I was such a nerd that I used to prefer all my time reading. My classmates were making fun of me, saying that I did not win anything in the annual sports. Mallika Miss heard their conversation and seeing me upset, told me "Purba, it's not necessary to be good in each and everything. You need to choose your passion and be faithful to it forever. That will be more than enough." I had never forgotten her words. 

Books

How can books not feature in the list of 5 most influential teachers of my life? The person who introduced me to books was my mother. When I was five, she started gifting me beautiful story books in every occasion. She told me that books will never abandon me and will teach me the most important things of life. 

I cannot explain the massive role that books have played in my life. From Bhagavad Gita to The Alchemist, books have always guided me and showed me the right path. Without them, I cannot imagine my life. 

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." ~ William Arthur Ward

Here's wishing all the wonderful teachers a very Happy Teacher's Day! 

Who is that teacher in your life who has inspired you the most?

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Buy my new book "Canvas of a Mind", a psychological mystery here!

A Letter to Poetry

Dear Poetry, 
     
           If you wouldn't have been there in my life, I would have probably gone insane. Yes, I might have survived even then, but living would surely be difficult. The emotional and deep person that I am, it's hard to find someone who understands me or values my emotions. But I have found you and so, no regrets.

           You are the one who calm my 3 am tears and help me find beauty in chaos. You help me make sense of my overwhelming emotions. You convince me that pain and separation can be romantic too, just like togetherness. You help me look beyond the ordinary. You make me feel life is hard but interesting as there is so much to write about.

            I was reminiscing the day I fell in love with you. I think I was ten. I took part in the elocution competition in school, where I was told to recite "The Hero" by Rabindranath Tagore. It was a long poem and at first, I was annoyed that I had to memorize it. But then slowly, I started enjoying reading the poem. I still remember those opening lines "Mother, let us imagine we are travelling, and passing through a strange and dangerous country". 

        That poem had built my confidence then and inspired me to be brave. Back then, I didn't know that I will have no choice apart from being brave in life. I was not born strong, but life sculpted me to be as strong as a warrior in order to survive. And you have been inspiring me all the way to be brave, kind and never give up on dreams.

         When I tasted pain, one after the other as I grew up, you became my source of solace. It's in your arms I could reconstruct myself. I like the fact that it's always so easy to bare my heart out, by using a metaphor. I could express everything, and yet not reveal anything. And when people read my poems and relate to them, it makes me euphoric. 

            The best thing is you connect me to people I love deeply. No matter whether they are with me in the present moment, I can always reach out to them through you. You help me dwell in the parallel universe, where I am with my soulmate. You help me relive the moments I had spent with my mother and grandmother. You nourish and water the love in my heart, not letting it perish. You capture the hope in my heart, not letting it fly away.

          Whenever I feel overwhelmed with the injustice happening around me, I can always calm my raging thoughts in your embrace. I wonder had I not found you, how would I have been able to control my rage, pain and fear?

          My dear poetry, I will be indebted to you forever. You add so much meaning to the simple, mundane things of life. You make life an enigma and nature a magician. No wonder I fall in your love every time I read some mesmerizing poem or write a poem to soothe my heart. 


         Thank you for giving me the chance to love you wholeheartedly in this lifetime. And I hope, you love me too. 

                                                                                         ~A poet

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One crazy, adventurous Trip with your BFFs

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Best friends. Adventures. Travelling. Laughter. Heart to heart conversations. 
And you get memories of a lifetime.

Out of the several unticked things in my never-ending bucket list, a crazy, adventurous trip with my best friend before getting married tops the list. My best friend, Priyam and I have been discussing it for the last two years, but unfortunately, it didn't happen yet. Work deadlines, family and other issues keep popping whenever we make a plan. And it gets postponed. 

Last weekend, I came across the popular web series called "The Trip" in YouTube. It is a super fun, coming of age story of four girls who go on a road trip from Delhi to Thailand. As one of the girls in their group, Ananya is about to tie the knot, the girls plan a crazy bachelorette road trip. Ever since I watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, I have always yearned to see something like "The Trip" in which a group of girl best friends embark on a journey.

It is a fun, adventurous and emotional roller coaster ride. I watched the eight episodes back to back uploaded so far in the last weekend and have become addicted to this web series. I can't wait for Episode 9 which will be uploaded on Thursday. 

The best thing was that I found both me and my close friends in these four girls- Shonali, the free-spirited musician (played by Lisa Haydon), Nazia, the firecracker, absolutely bindaas and aspiring journalist (played by Mallika Dua), Ananya, the sweet and adorable bride-to-be (played by Shweta Tripathi) and Sanjana, the introvert yogi with a rule-book (played by Sapna Pabbi). The four characters are extremely relatable. Check out the trailer. I am sure every girl will love it. 



I am enjoying the web series so much that I compelled my closest friends, Priyam and Triyas to watch it. The actual idea is to influence them so that they agree to go on a trip this year, come what may. Because this phase of our life won't come back once we are married.

Therefore, an adventurous trip with my bestie or BFFs means a lot to me. It is the most important thing on my bucket list and I wish to tick it off, finally this year. 

I have traveled with my friends in college excursion. I have traveled solo. I have traveled with family. But I am sure nothing can be better than traveling with your BFFs and making countless memories that you can cherish throughout your life. 

Have you ever gone for an adventurous trip with your BFFs? How was the experience? I would love to know. 

Watching sunset from my window seat

Window seats have always been my favorite since childhood. Whenever I travel, I make sure to grab the window seat. Whether I am travelling in car, bus, train or taking a flight, I cannot give away my window seat to anyone. I remember so many innocuous fights with my cousins and friends just for the window seat.

Window seats give me wings to dream without any inhibitions and my imagination takes a flight. I feel liberated looking at the outside world from the window of a bus or a train. 

Also, the sheer pleasure of watching the changing landscapes thrills me. It makes me realize that there is beauty in change and uncertainty. I get totally drawn in and start weaving so many stories in my mind. Watching the quaint, little villages, the lush greenery, unknown people going on with their chores make me philosophical and teach me to live in the moment.

On my last trip, while I was returning home in an AC bus, I witnessed a beautiful sunset. Since it was an AC bus and there was a thick glass between me and the outside world, the pictures became a little hazy. 

As I spotted the setting sun from my window seat, I was overjoyed. I savored its beauty and then started clicking pictures from my phone. The guy who was sitting beside me was extremely curious to see if I could successfully click even one picture in the moving bus.

I have a travel playlist that I update every time I embark on a journey. While I was watching the sunset, the Journey Song of Piku was playing on my ear phones which made me beam with delight. 

Within a few minutes, dusk had set in. The sun magically disappeared behind the far away trees and I sighed. The most beautiful moments last only for a while, but if we are a positive seeker, we can find them again, perhaps in a different form in a slightly different setting. 

That's the beauty of window seats. They make you appreciate the world and also turn you into a little philosopher. 

Do you also have a soft corner for window seats when you travel?

The Hapless Woman and the Magical RJ

On some rare days, when I manage to wake up by 6am, I listen to a programme on Radio known as "Life and Healing". I have been listening to the programme since over two years. The words of the RJ who is known by Zen (it's not his real name) always bring a smile on my face, even in the most grey and ashen days of my life. They always motivate me.

Since I am listening to the programme for quite some time, I know that the RJ is a cerebral palsy patient. Despite being a victim of cerebral palsy and having a huge physical disadvantage, he chose to be a dauntless and cheerful person. Having struggled with life all his thirty years, he motivates people to live life with love. 

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For those of you who don't know, cerebral palsy is a condition that is marked by spastic paralysis or impaired muscle coordination. People who suffer from cerebral palsy have stiff or weak muscles that affect their posture, movement, balance, communication and everyday tasks. Their life is a constant struggle. 

I have once seen Zen when I went to the radio station to collect a prize. He was sitting in a wheel chair and was constantly cracking jokes with the fellow RJs. I wished to take his autograph, but by the time I went there, he has gone inside the studio. 

Anyways, this is not my story. This is the story of Bhoomi who lives in my locality. It was a Monday of 2015 as far as I can remember. I woke up early and switched on the radio. Monday was the day when Zen talked to his listeners LIVE and discussed their problems. 

"Flying a kite is so similar to living life. Ever wondered how? When a person flies a kite, the kite is far from his reach. What he has in his hands is the tuft of strings through which he controls his kite. He should know well when to pull the string towards him and when to let go of some of the string to make the kite fly better. If he can manage the balance, his kite won't be cut by another kite." I listened to Zen's words with rapturous attention. He continued speaking.

"Now, look at our life. Our life is like that kite. We can only control it by strings. These are strings of intelligence and wisdom. You must know what and when we should let go. You must also know what and when we should pull to ourselves in order to let our life sail well in the vast sky of time." I nodded in agreement and contemplated about the philosophy, when Zen received a call from a listener. 

When she introduced herself and mentioned the name of her locality, I could identify Bhoomi. However, she did not sound soft and fragile as she always sounds.

"I have listened to your programme for the last three days. Can you tell me that what is the use of an hour of tranquility when people like me have to spend the entire day full of mental maladies and never-ending agonies?" Bhoomi said in a harsh tone.

As far as I knew about her life, I knew that she got married at a very early age. It was a love marriage which her parents did not support. Her husband died after three years of their marriage and her in-laws pushed her away from their house with her one year old daughter, calling her an evil curse to their son. She stays with her parents who are grumpy all the time. She also attempted suicide a few times. 

"I can understand that you are a victim of some unfortunate incident, dear." Zen said calmly.

"No, you cannot understand. Unless you are in the shoes of the person suffering, you can never understand. Reading aloud some lines from a self-help book or a motivational blog is very easy." Bhoomi snapped.

"Dear, life is not as bad as we perceive it to be. There is always a reason to live. Search that reason and you will be happy. Your antagonistic thoughts are inflicting you with pain, not your life." Zen said in the same calm manner.

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"You don't have any idea about my pathetic life. Quit this show of hypocrisy. You will surely earn money by hosting another show that has more entertainment and less hypocrisy." Bhoomi's words angered me as she was indirectly blaming a person like Zen for her own misery.

Without getting jolted, Zen told Bhoomi on air about his health condition and the struggles he had faced with it since his birth. Bhoomi was out of words after hearing the truth. The loud woman who was snapping at Zen retreated back into her shell. 

"You are the lucky caller and you have won a goody bag. Collect it from our station within a week." Zen declared before ending the show on that day. 

***

I met Bhoomi after a month in the nearby grocery shop. She looked happy and greeted me warmly, unlike other days when she seems lost. Her three year old daughter was too busy choosing candies.

"I heard you on the radio, few days back." I blurted.

"On Zen's show?" She asked and I nodded, telling her I am a huge fan of that show.

"Zen is a magical human being. I was so rude that day, but when I met him in person, I was filled with admiration for him. He told me to love life because my daughter is my reason for living. He motivated me to start doing some work that will give me contentment. I am not much educated, but I thought to start a music and art class very soon." Bhoomi said with enthusiasm.

"That's amazing. I know you can sing and paint well." I said with a smile.

"I just thought when a person like Zen who has such a huge physical deformity can continue living his life beautifully by doing something he loves, why can't I? I don't have any physical problems. After meeting and talking to Zen, I started valuing my life and understood that my negative thoughts were responsible for my suffering ." Bhoomi said and I encouraged her to pursue her dream.

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***

Today, Bhoomi has her own music and art class. She teaches music and art to students of all ages. She has found the purpose of her life. She values her life and never looks at it with pity. I feel great to see her doing well, but the thing that makes me immensely happy is how a meeting with Zen changed her life.

In this selfish and brutal world, there are some people who are angels on this earth. They have so much light in them that once you come in touch with them, you are enlightened. 

People who can value life, even after going through a lot of storms are the real champions. 

This world needs more champions like Zen who can enlighten the weak and tormented souls and spread positive vibes all around.

#SpreadTheVibe because all the good in the world needs to be talked about. Read more at http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/

Note: This is a real story. However, some names have been changed to protect privacy.

The poisonous FRUIT of GRUDGE!

Yesterday, I came across a short poem written by William Blake. It goes like this:

I was angry with my friend;

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I was angry with my foe;

I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears,

Night and morning with my tears;

And I sunned it with smiles.

And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night.

Till it bore an apple bright."

So, this is how the poisonous fruit of grudge grows. The truth is that everyone in our life, no matter how close he or she is, would hurt us and let us down, someday or the other. No one can meet our expectations to keep us happy, every single time. It is really impossible. 

Sometimes, you might feel that you are terribly wronged by the person you thought would never hurt you. Thus, a small seed of grudge against the person would erupt in your heart. You would find yourself complaining again and again, "How could he/she do this to me?"

This kind of thing has happened between me and my close friends countless times. The thing that has saved our friendship, each time is that I have directly talked to my friends about the things which has hurt me. I have not let the grudge grow in my heart, by watering it with tears and nourishing it with anger.

I have noticed that after I tell my friend how much his or her actions have hurt me, my friend is also able to point out where I was wrong and where I had also caused pain. Thus, the tiny seed of grudge dies that very moment we talk about it with each other. 

Honesty and forgiveness smash the seed of grudge totally and saves a long-term friendship from a bitter misunderstanding.

If we really care for a person and if we know deep down in our heart that the person also cares for us, we should never tame grudges in our heart. We should rather talk about it openly with the person concerned and resolve the conflict. 

Else, just like in the poem of William Blake, the wrath would grow and grow until it bears the poisonous fruit of grudge (bright apple) in our heart, destroying the closest relationships that we have formed in our lives.

We should always value our relationships more than the seed of grudge that has newly erupted in our heart.

What do you think?

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Goodbye vs. Let go

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Goodbye vs Let go?

Earlier, I thought that these two terms are synonymous. But, with the passage of time, with my own set of life experiences and observations, I realized how different the two words are. Both imply separation but there is a huge difference in the two kinds of separation.

Goodbye is bidding adieu to someone, without knowing when you both will meet again, if you both will meet again ever. But, if you ever bump into each other again after some months or years, you both will hopefully greet each other with a smile and reminisce about the fond, past memories. You will shed a tear or two over the distance that prevailed for so long. You will perhaps apologize for not making an effort to get back in touch. You will be curious to know how the other person's life turned out after both of your paths separated.

Let go is something completely different. It is saying goodbye without hope. In let go, you have to replace hope with acceptance...acceptance of the fact that this person is gone from your life forever either by mutual decision or by any one of your decisions. It can be that both of you would never meet again in this life. It can be that even if you both see each other in a cafe, you both won't acknowledge each other's presence. Let go is lifetime silence from the person, who once meant a lot to you. Let go is being okay with not being able to find out how the other person is doing even after say, twenty years or more.

Goodbye is bidding adieu with a tint of hope. Let go is saying goodbye with a tough acceptance that it's over, shedding all hope.

In our life, we meet so many people. We get extremely close to some of them and then after some time, our paths separate. Only a few people stay with us, year after year, decade after decade. They are so rare that you can actually count them on your fingers. 

Dealing with separations gracefully is the art of life. But among these two kinds of separation, goodbye sounds a little easier and kinder to me.

What about you?

Tweet: Let go is saying goodbye with a tough acceptance that it's over, shedding all hope. http://ctt.ec/FX9bf+ #Acceptance via @Manchali_purba